Updated November 30, 2014.

The topic of mean girl behavior is not new. Dozens of movies and books have examined the ways in which relational aggression can impact girls. Whether it is lost friendships, broken hearts or damaged self-esteem, mean girls wreak havoc on the lives of others.

And all of it – from exclusion and gossip to cyberbullying and slut shaming – is done to gain power, social status and control all while posing as a friend.

As a result, one of the best ways to cope with mean girls is to be able to spot them and then increase distance in the relationship.

Following is a list of the most common types of mean girls. Review this list with your daughter so that she can be on the lookout for the telltale signs of mean girls. And keep in mind that many mean girls will fall into more than one category depending on the goal behind their behavior.

The Gossips.  These mean girls love to share tidbits of information, especially if it negative or particularly juicy.  And if the rumor doesn’t seem interesting or exciting enough, they feel perfectly comfortable embellishing the story. With gossips, no one is safe. They value being “in the know” over friendship and will betray anyone if the story is good enough. As a result, secrets are not safe with this mean girl. She frequently whispers about others, shares screenshots of private messages and tells all that she knows. If your daughter has a friend who cannot keep a secret or is always calling with the latest scoop, it is time to take a closer look.

The Excluders. These mean girls thrive on exclusive groups, clubs, cliques and special lunch tables; and they thrive on being the one in charge of who is accepted and who isn’t. Many girls follow along with the excluder’s wishes out of fear being the next outcast. As a result, the excluder often has a lot of power over who is invited to parties and other functions and who isn’t. They also establish an unspoken list of whom it is acceptable for members of the group to associate with or be friends with. Girls who are part of the “in group” rarely go against the excluder’s wishes out of fear of being ostracized.

The Traitors. These mean girls are much more deceptive and much harder to identify. They are the epitome of a frenemy and often two-faced. They will appear to be a genuine, thoughtful friend often saying and doing all the right things, but then turn on that same friend as soon as she is out of earshot. These types of mean girls are particularly dangerous because they will gain your daughter’s complete confidence and then betray her when the opportunity presents itself. As a result, friendships with mean girls like this will result in a great deal of pain and anguish. What’s more, psychological pain from the betrayal often leaves your daughter unable to trust others. Watch for friends that appear to be too good to be true. Instead, look for authentic friends who make mistakes and are willing to admit those mistakes.

The Snobs. These mean girls are status-focused. As a result, they judge those around them based on their wealth and influence and shun anyone who doesn’t meet their standards. A snob also is on the lookout for connections. Consequently, if your daughter cannot offer her something of value or doesn’t meet her expectations in some way, she will be shunned, excluded and ridiculed. The snob also may target any girl that she feels threatens her own status. Typically, snobs are very overt in their behavior, but they also can be backstabbers as well. In other words, they will be nice to your daughter’s face and then laugh at her behind her back. You can recognize a snob by her superficial nature.

The Obsessive Fault-Finders. These mean girls are highly critical and will pick at your daughter constantly. Their fault-finding can be either subtle and overt. For instance, some obsessive fault-finders will be very direct in their criticisms of your daughter including everything from her hair and make up, to her body type, clothing choice and even boyfriend. Not only is their fault-finding a way to control your daughter, but it also is a way for the mean girl to feel better about herself. When she is picking at your daughter, she is elevating herself to a position of power. In essence, she is the enlightened teacher and your daughter is the miserable student.

Sometimes fault-finders will be more subtle in their approach. Instead, of being direct in her criticism she uses tone of voice, backhanded compliments and other tactics to undermine your daughter’s self-esteem. Additionally, the subtleness of the attack is hard to identify. As a result, it becomes very difficult for your daughter to recognize the damage this type of person can cause. Remind your daughter that if hanging out with her friend makes her feel bad about herself, then this is a sign that something is wrong.

The Messengers. These mean girls love to stir up trouble. As a result, they often tell one girl what another girl said about her. They thrive on the drama that results when girls find out what others think or say about them behind their backs. What’s more, messengers often come off as caring because they share this information under the guise of “I just thought you should know.” Meanwhile, messengers rarely say anything bad about someone. Instead, they only parrot what others are saying.

The Cyberbullies. These mean girls rely on social media to bully others. They may engage in overt bullying such as ridiculing another person online or posting humiliating pictures. Other times, they may be more subtle in their put downs by never actually mentioning the victim by name. But anyone who reads the post or tweet knows exactly whom she is referring to. In other instances, cyberbullies will impersonate others or create fake profiles in order to bully the others.