It is totally normal for LGBTQ+ teens to wonder if they are ready to have sex. Sex is a big deal and it can bring up a lot of concerns.

One way to feel better about any decision you make is to ask yourself these 4 questions.

1) Am I ready to have sex?

When you ask, "Am I ready for sex?," it's also important to remember that sex is more than penetration or oral sex. There are plenty of ways to be intimate with another person that might be more comfortable for you than having sex would be.


Some teens feel close and sexual with a partner by kissing, cuddling, sharing fantasies or giving and getting massages.

Deciding what activities you are and are not comfortable with before you get into a sexual situation can be really helpful in making sure you have a positive experience.

After you think about that seriously,  you might want to follow up with 13 more questions to help you figure out what you are and are not comfortable doing sexually with another person.

2) Do I want to be in a serious relationship before I have sex?

A lot of people feel like it is important to be in a healthy relationship or at least emotionally connected to another person before having sex.

Of course, not everyone feels the same about sex. But whether you think sex can be casual or is something that should only be done between committed partners, it is important for anyone who is sexually active to take care of both their emotional and physical health, by having sex with partners who respect them and whom they respect, and by practicing safe sex.

3) Should you be in love to have sex?

Just like the relationship question, this one can be a biggie and it is one where there are a lot of different opinions. 

It's not that there aren't some very good arguments for having sex with someone you love. For one, sex is an intimate act that can make teens feel really vulnerable, and you are more likely to take care of a partner and have a partner take care of you--both physically and emotionally--if you are in love. But when it comes to sex, there is no "one size fits all" answer, and some teens feel that they can have positive sexual experiences without being in love. 

One 16-year-old lesbian explains that she doesn't believe that people need to be in love before having sex. She says:

"Sex with love is great. But neither needs the other to flourish. It helps, but they are, at the end of the day, two separate entities." 

4) Can I communicate with my partner about sex?

You might have a great relationship, be totally in love, and really attracted to your partner, but if you can't talk to him or her about sex, then you might want to hold off. For example, can you insist on practicing safer sex?  Are you comfortable telling your partner your likes and dislikes? Would you feel comfortable telling your partner if something didn't feel good? Can you speak up if you do or don't want to have sex at a certain time? Conversations about sex can be hard, but being able to have them is a really good sign that you are ready to have sex. And not being able to have them can help you understand that you might not quite be ready for sex. 

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A lot of teens feel physically ready for sex before they feel emotionally ready. As a result, the right time isn't always the first time the opportunity presents itself. But plenty of teens do have healthy sexual experiences and making sure you are ready, prepared, safe and comfortable is one of the best ways to ensure that happens.