Discipline is not Punishment, Punishment is not Discipline...
This is an important distinction, but I think it has been lost in the modern world of parenting.
We've made the two ideas into one.
We think that when we punish a child for doing something wrong we are instilling discipline in them.
Just take a look at the definitions: Discipline: 1.
To improve or attempt to improve the behavior, orderliness, etc.
, of by training, conditions, or rules, 2.
Systematic training in obedience to regulations and authority, 3.
The state of improved behavior, etc.
, resulting from such training or conditions.
Punishment: 1.
A penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc.
2.
The infliction of some kind of pain or loss upon a person for a misdeed (i.
e.
, the transgression of a law or command).
When I think about someone who is disciplined I think about an athlete who can push himself to get up every morning and train, or a pastor who can spend hours in prayer, or a law student from the ghettos who studies harder than his peers to make the grade.
All-in-all I look up to people who are disciplined, and wish I had a little more disciple in my life.
I'd like to be able to have more focus, better time management, and the ability to say no to those tempting cookies.
I certainly don't look at my life and say I wish I had more punishment.
Punishment creates fear and worry.
For some that is enough to change behavior.
I'm afraid of being caught and punished when I'm speeding, so if I see a police car I slow down.
Children might be worried that mom will be mad, and scream at me (and maybe won't love me) so they don't draw on the walls.
But you see discipline is training.
Wouldn't you rather train your kids how to behave? Sometime in the course of training consequences happen.
We learn from consequences when they are natural and logical.
How are consequences different than punishment? Again let us look at the definition.
Consequence: 1.
An act or instance of following something as an effect, result, or outcome.
2.
The conclusion reached by a line of reasoning.
A consequence naturally leads to training.
It's a logical effect of an action.
And in the end consequences teach children to take responsibility for their actions.
A natural consequence happens as the result of an action without a parent or caregivers intervention.
For example going outside without a coat on a winter day means you will get cold.
Leaving a book outside in the rain means it will get wet and possibly be ruined.
Touching a hot stove means you may get burned.
A logical consequence is administered by a parent or care giver.
For example toys left out when they are told to pick up get taken away for 1 day.
Or not finishing your dinner means no dessert, or no snacks afterward.
Because a consequence is linked to the action it's non-judgmental.
"Were-as" punishment carries a bad boy or bad girl label.
Consequences are more positive in that way.
Consequence teach lessons when you to offer choices and talk about them.
Try to keep your voice level and be firm but kind.
Example: "You left your DS out again after I told you to put it away.
What should we do to help you remember to put it on your dresser when you are done? For now I'm going to keep it and you can't play it until tomorrow.
" Not: "If I have to tell you again not to leave this DS on the kitchen counter I'm going to take it away.
" And remember to follow up.
Catching them doing it right and praise them for that action will mean a lot more than any punishment.