Giving Choices: Why Doesn"t It Work For Me?
Offering children choices instead of a direct command is generally a fool proof parenting technique.
Choices allow parents to maintain control over the situation, and causes children to think independently, and make decisions.
Power struggles are avoided because children feel empowered by their opportunity to choose.
Often times I will hear from parents that choices don't work with their child.
Their children may become overwhelmed and oppositional.
They also may choose a third option which does not work for the parent.
In order for choices to work, we need to: 1.
Remain calm and offer two positive choices: "Would you like your ballerina pajamas or your rainbow pajamas? "Would you like to get dressed in your room or the bathroom? "Do you want me to help you or do you want to do it yourself? "Would you like to put your pants on first or your shirt on first?" 2.
Don't get discouraged- Deliver empathy and keep on giving choices: "Oh! boy, you look like you are just not in the mood tonight to get into pajamas.
Pajamas remind you of bed and you don't want to think of bed when you are playing with your dolls.
Would you like me to get you into pajamas or we can ask Daddy if he has time to help you.
"? 3.
If the third option works for you, accept it: "You want Grandma to help- It is a good thing she is visiting- that sounds like a good idea.
I will go get her.
" You can say " What a good idea- I didn't even think about that option- yes, you can wear your ballerina pajama top with the rainbow pajama bottom.
" 4.
If the child can't choose - choose for him/her with empathy: "This is so sad, we are having so much trouble tonight getting into pajamas.
We are having a really tough time.
I am going to help you.
I am choosing the ballerina pajamas and I am going to put them on you.
I know you rather you had decided yourself, sometimes a Mommy needs to just choose for her children.
Tomorrow you will have another chance to decide for yourself how you want to work pajama time.
" 5.
Remember that choices are not threats: Sometimes parents may give options that sound like threats: "You can get dressed or you can not go to your friends party tomorrow!" "You can listen to me or go to your room!" Choices like these can lead to more power struggles and conflicts.
For more parenting tips like these, visit us at http://www.
parentingsimply.
com.
We help you connect the pieces for a happy and healthy home.
Choices allow parents to maintain control over the situation, and causes children to think independently, and make decisions.
Power struggles are avoided because children feel empowered by their opportunity to choose.
Often times I will hear from parents that choices don't work with their child.
Their children may become overwhelmed and oppositional.
They also may choose a third option which does not work for the parent.
In order for choices to work, we need to: 1.
Remain calm and offer two positive choices: "Would you like your ballerina pajamas or your rainbow pajamas? "Would you like to get dressed in your room or the bathroom? "Do you want me to help you or do you want to do it yourself? "Would you like to put your pants on first or your shirt on first?" 2.
Don't get discouraged- Deliver empathy and keep on giving choices: "Oh! boy, you look like you are just not in the mood tonight to get into pajamas.
Pajamas remind you of bed and you don't want to think of bed when you are playing with your dolls.
Would you like me to get you into pajamas or we can ask Daddy if he has time to help you.
"? 3.
If the third option works for you, accept it: "You want Grandma to help- It is a good thing she is visiting- that sounds like a good idea.
I will go get her.
" You can say " What a good idea- I didn't even think about that option- yes, you can wear your ballerina pajama top with the rainbow pajama bottom.
" 4.
If the child can't choose - choose for him/her with empathy: "This is so sad, we are having so much trouble tonight getting into pajamas.
We are having a really tough time.
I am going to help you.
I am choosing the ballerina pajamas and I am going to put them on you.
I know you rather you had decided yourself, sometimes a Mommy needs to just choose for her children.
Tomorrow you will have another chance to decide for yourself how you want to work pajama time.
" 5.
Remember that choices are not threats: Sometimes parents may give options that sound like threats: "You can get dressed or you can not go to your friends party tomorrow!" "You can listen to me or go to your room!" Choices like these can lead to more power struggles and conflicts.
For more parenting tips like these, visit us at http://www.
parentingsimply.
com.
We help you connect the pieces for a happy and healthy home.
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