How to Deal With a Social Snub
- 1). Examine yourself objectively. Make sure that you were in a positive and happy frame of mind. Know that if you approached the situation with negativity and insecurity, the social snubber easily picked up on this and gave you the snub. Not only will you be able to prevent social snubs if you are happy, but you will be able to deal with them effectively if and when they do occur. According to Dartmouth College 2009, tips anyone can use to lead happier lives include cultivating optimism, living with purpose, nurturing relationships, and moving the body.
- 2). Figure out who delivered the social snub. Social snubs are not all equal because they could have been delivered by a host of aggressors. If you identify what type delivered the social snub, you will know effective ways to respond. There are six types of aggressors to look out for: bullies, complainers, avoiders, the know-it-all, the super-agreeable, the space invaders. It is important to recognize the type that delivered the snub because you will understand that not all of these snubs are intentional, and should therefore, not be taken so personal.
- 3). Approach strategically. When you approach a bully, maintain your composure, all the while being assertive, and distract her by being unpredictable. If a complainer delivered the social snub, take the initiative and approach her ready to problem solve; also, never agree with a complainer because it only fuels her complaining. If an avoider was the culprit of the snub, approach him with open-ended questions and be an active listener. If the know-it-all is to blame, give him alternative options to explore, debate with facts to hold his attention, be an active listener and do not debate who knows more; just as with the complainers, debating this is futile because they know it all. While on the surface the super-agreeables do not seem likely of social snubs, they often deliver them, albeit unintentionally. Super-agreeables often use humor to mask their true feelings. Sometimes innocent bystanders are the butt of their jokes. Approach a super-agreeable personally and be authentic. Just as space invaders invade your physical space, they are also likely to invade and take over your conversations, which you might read as a social snub. Be firmer with a space invader about your boundaries; do not let them dominate the conversation, but be polite.
- 4). Let it go. By responding strategically, you are the one with poise, grace and class. Recognize that social snubs are an inevitable part of life. Let it go and move on.
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