Want To Know How You Can Stop Your Divorce & Save Your Marriage?
How You Can Resolve Your Marriage Problems, Stop Your Divorce, & Save Your Marriage: Characteristics to show you the RIGHT way to get rid of your marriage problems and find the results and solutions you want, Pt. 6 - The Importance of Comfort, Pt. 2
Comfort is what I like to call a "heart & soul" connection. And before you start wondering how a wooey-wooey "heart & soul" connection is going to help you save your marriage; argue less; have less stress, more peace, & more fun; let me share with you why this type of connection is CRUCIAL in obtaining all three.
We are all created with what some would say is an innate need to be known by another and to know another on a deeply intimate level; that we were created for relationship, we were created for connection. Your marriage problems didn't start by who forgot to pick up the dry cleaning; who's taking the kids to the park; how the credit card bill is going to get paid; who cheated on who; or who started what argument.
Your marriage was over when one, and then the other, of you realized something: "I am not known. I feel alone; even when I am with my spouse there is a (profound) sense of loneliness." Perhaps you haven't even realized this on a conscious level; nevertheless, in you or your spouse's heart and unconscious you or they feel lonely, invisible, unseen because you are lacking a "heart & soul" connection. This is the HEART & ROOT of why your marriage is ending. I'm not saying your spouse isn't insensitive or rude or has moments or seasons of selfishness; what I'm saying is when you don't feel heard, seen, accepted, valued, & known, you become more insensitive, more rude, & more selfish.
What I realized is the ability to give & receive comfort is what CREATES, SUSTAINS, & INCREASES a deep, intimate connection. And if you don't begin developing this "deep, intimate connection" you will not be able to save your marriage. And,If you're unable to give comfort it's because you don't fully know yourself. Therefore, your ability to truly connect to another in a real, meaningful & intimate way is impaired & limited. If you don't understand you own experiences (including your: thoughts, beliefs, feelings, & behaviors) how can you hope to connect to your spouse in a real way?
Part of the point of receiving comfort (beyond feeling relief) is to help you develop a deeper understanding of your self. This lack of comfort (and self-understanding, inherently) leads to a sense of anonymity, & therefore, makes risky behaviors (including emotional or physical affairs) all the more likely since you or your spouse don't experience a sense of being "seen". This is also why, "The grass is greener on the other side." - you or your partner doesn't feel known; there's no "heart & soul" connection.
Check out my next post where I break down the 5 aspects of comfort!
P.S.: Was this helpful to you? Did you learn something new or were you reminded of something you needed to be reminded of? I'd love to hear your comments or questions! Either leave a comment or email me. If there's someone you care about & think this might be a benefit to them as well, do them a favor and "Pass it on!"
Comfort is what I like to call a "heart & soul" connection. And before you start wondering how a wooey-wooey "heart & soul" connection is going to help you save your marriage; argue less; have less stress, more peace, & more fun; let me share with you why this type of connection is CRUCIAL in obtaining all three.
We are all created with what some would say is an innate need to be known by another and to know another on a deeply intimate level; that we were created for relationship, we were created for connection. Your marriage problems didn't start by who forgot to pick up the dry cleaning; who's taking the kids to the park; how the credit card bill is going to get paid; who cheated on who; or who started what argument.
Your marriage was over when one, and then the other, of you realized something: "I am not known. I feel alone; even when I am with my spouse there is a (profound) sense of loneliness." Perhaps you haven't even realized this on a conscious level; nevertheless, in you or your spouse's heart and unconscious you or they feel lonely, invisible, unseen because you are lacking a "heart & soul" connection. This is the HEART & ROOT of why your marriage is ending. I'm not saying your spouse isn't insensitive or rude or has moments or seasons of selfishness; what I'm saying is when you don't feel heard, seen, accepted, valued, & known, you become more insensitive, more rude, & more selfish.
What I realized is the ability to give & receive comfort is what CREATES, SUSTAINS, & INCREASES a deep, intimate connection. And if you don't begin developing this "deep, intimate connection" you will not be able to save your marriage. And,If you're unable to give comfort it's because you don't fully know yourself. Therefore, your ability to truly connect to another in a real, meaningful & intimate way is impaired & limited. If you don't understand you own experiences (including your: thoughts, beliefs, feelings, & behaviors) how can you hope to connect to your spouse in a real way?
Part of the point of receiving comfort (beyond feeling relief) is to help you develop a deeper understanding of your self. This lack of comfort (and self-understanding, inherently) leads to a sense of anonymity, & therefore, makes risky behaviors (including emotional or physical affairs) all the more likely since you or your spouse don't experience a sense of being "seen". This is also why, "The grass is greener on the other side." - you or your partner doesn't feel known; there's no "heart & soul" connection.
Check out my next post where I break down the 5 aspects of comfort!
P.S.: Was this helpful to you? Did you learn something new or were you reminded of something you needed to be reminded of? I'd love to hear your comments or questions! Either leave a comment or email me. If there's someone you care about & think this might be a benefit to them as well, do them a favor and "Pass it on!"
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