Many of us are trying to turn around our dating lives and relationship problems but we are doing so by focusing on our inadequacies, weaknesses and failures.
Focusing on our inadequacies, weaknesses and failures shapes how we approach dating and relationships (we do all we can to try to "cover" up - sell ourselves, persuade, convince, impress or manipulate).
Focusing on our inadequacies, weaknesses and failures also shapes the results we get (rejection, conflict, mental stress and emotional frustration).
And much of the dating and relationship advice we get is equally geared towards improvement by looking for the problem or problems and then focusing on fixing them.
So much time and energy (not to mention money) is spent struggling to learn programmes, routines, techniques etc, while ignoring the very things that come naturally to us.
It's no wonder that much of the advice, techniques and programs don't seem to work.
If you are serious about liberating yourself from what holds you back from becoming powerfully present and perfectly at ease - any time anywhere or what's stopping you from creating a fully-expressed, satisfying, passionate, and loving relationship full of happiness and joy, the first thing you need to do is change your thinking (and approach to life) from "what is wrong with me" to "what is right about me".
Like the example of the guy I talked about in Pt.
1 of this article, we have had so many years of experience figuring out and beating ourselves up for what is wrong with us that we can't even wrap our minds around what is right with us.
So many of my clients when I ask what their dating/relationship strengths are, reply either "I don't know" or "nothing.
" Everyone has something unique to offer to the opposite sex (and the world).
You may be one of those people whose strengths are abundantly obvious or you may be one of those who needs some reflective work to uncover the strengths you have hidden inside.
Knowing your strengths will allow you to tap into your inner wisdom (knowing what to say and do when and how) inner youthfulness, inner desires, and inner coach.
More importantly (for you), knowing your strengths has an edge like no other dating technique or program.
Today's single man/woman has so many "qualified" candidates from which to choose.
You will be seriously considered only by showing him/her that you know who you are, what you can offer and where you are going with your life.
Hopefully, these suggestions will get you started: 1.
What is the one strength that - if you worked on it - would make the difference in your dating/relationship? 2.
What do you enjoy doing? What turns you on? What energizes you? What are the specific things that come easily to you? You may not see them as "special" but list them anyway.
3.
What do you do well in dates or relationships? What do others tell you? 4.
Who has truly loved/trusted/cared about/ been genuinely interested in you etc? Anyone you know or respect (personally or professionally)? What are the qualities or traits that make this person your model? What do you and your role model have in common? 5.
If someone you loved dearly or cared about were in an emergency or suffering from a terminal illness what strengths do you have - or can quickly acquire - to help them deal the situation? These are just a few questions to ask yourself, but go all the way to identify your physical, emotional, mental, social, sexual, relational, spiritual etc strengths.
If you do not feel that (on your own) you are able to identify your strengths and develop them to the level that that catches attention, arouses interest, commands respect and gets you remembered, by all means - hire a coach or consultant.
But make sure it's someone who looks at dating from a "Here-I-am" rather than "Where-Are-You?" model, and relationships from "I know you'll love me" rather than "Please, love me".
Good dating/relationship advice should NOT focus on trying to teach you to say, do or act in ways that are designed to "make you appear like someone's ideal" but should emphasize on how you can utilize the positive qualities and traits that come very easily to you.
In a short, your strengths are where your energy and passion is best present and in abundance.
Convert those strengths into visible value- they are your natural sex appeal!