Black gay men are haunted by stigma and a lack of accessible options. It's no surprise. We as Americans are accustomed to viewing culture in terms of market segments dissected based on advertised research, but more truthfully observation and assumption.

For the black gay man today there are very few pictures that come to mind. Most are from what we see online or on video. We're pros at defining our markets.

Take a moment now and think of the first few phrases that come to mind when you think of gay black men. Most often in the media it's 'HIV', 'the DL', 'ultra-masculine' or 'ultra-feminine.' However, for every person that fits the one, there is a zero—or someone who identifies in a number of ways that aren't easily classified. Most gay men, including gay black men, can describe their makeup as "complicated" and just as many subscribe to what my mother said when I came out (and continues to reminds me of today): There's something for everybody.

This idea holds true in every culture, ethnicity, and family. Still, it's time for it to reach national conversations.

The fact is, race matters. The topic sparks high emotion and sharp opinions. I wrote a blog about gay interracial dating a while back and it's still one of the most highly debated topics on the site. Interestingly, it—like many conversations about our differences—is discussed in the background.

I’m also reminded of a mass email I received from a colleague.

In humor, it was sent to a number of African-American gay men. It was a joke describing different behaviors of gay black men and what this meant about their personalities.

The thug-eration at the club was really a bottom under cloak of Timberlands... The black man who dated white men secretly wanted to be dominated... The list went on, but the most striking thought was the agreement to these terms, as if they were truth. Even in humor, what it suggests is our comfort with labels and ease in which we slide into categories and narratives about the gay black man.

I don't suggest that the picture is entirely bleak. Quite the contrary. Black gay culture is thriving especially in intellectual, activism, networking, art and enterprise spaces. Gay black men and women are also redefining the national family. Majority of America’s same-sex parents are non-White. That said, there is no denying that monogamy and stability are more commonplace in the African-American gay community than we would immediately believe.

Options within the community are unlimited. So are the conversations that can arise from them.

CNN columnist LZ Granderson writes about the myth of the "gay lifestyle" and challenges perceptions of the gay household:

"On most mornings, my better half wakes up around 5:30, throws on some sweats and heads to the gym before work. About a half hour later, I wake up my 13-year-old son, go downstairs to the kitchen to make his breakfast and pack his lunch. Once he's out the door, I brew some coffee and get to work. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the 'gay lifestyle' -- run for your heterosexual lives."

Granderson goes on:

"I don't worship Barbra Streisand, I don't watch any TV show with the word 'Housewives' in its title and I love fishing, beer and Madonna. But more important, I'm just a father trying to keep my son away from drugs, get him into college and have a little money left over for retirement."

Granderson says his concerns aren’t exclusive to gay people. More accurately, his concerns mirror a growing number of gay-run households and, frankly, black gays in general living without labels.

Still, many of these discussions are left out of national conversations or, if included, only by special consideration.

I've always believed that despite our differences, there are common concerns that reach all gay men. I write much of the content on this site with that philosophy in mind. However, I also believe that there is room for more than one open conversation.