Question: How Do You Make the First Move?

How do you know when to make the first move? Can you tell by someone's body language? The things they say? It's not always clear, but here are some reason you might still want to go for it.

Answer:

Have you ever been into someone and waited and waited for that person to give you a sign that he or she is interested? A lot of people have!

But what if, instead of waiting, you tried making the first move?

The idea of doing that can be pretty nerve-wracking. But you might want to make the first move if you just don't know how someone feels. They might hug you, and lean forward eagerly when you talk, but you still might not be sure how to read their body body language. Or they might have body language that appears really closed, but laugh at everything you say.

The fact is, ambiguous signs can mean a number of things and the best way to get to the bottom of what those things are might require you to take a deep breath and make the first move. Of course, this opens you up to a number of possibilities. It could go really well. Or it could become awkward (or worse). So before you decide what to do, it would be wise to think about how you would feel if things didn't go as you had hoped. That being said, plenty of great gay relationships happened because someone decided that being upfront was a risk worth taking!

So how do you go about making the first move?

The most direct thing you can do is to just come out and say how you feel.

"Rob, I have a crush on you." "Lily, I want to date you." "Sal, you're so cute and I really like you."

Another option is to hold someone's hand or ask if you can kiss them. These are definitely bold moves, and you never want to kiss someone who doesn't want to kiss you back. But if you have held hands and you are feeling like your crush's body language reads positively, then you might decide asking about kissing could be the next step. In that case, you can always say, "I really want to kiss you," and see how the person responds. Saying this before you go in for the kiss can always give your crush an out if he or she doesn't feel the same way or if you misinterpreted his or her body language or misread signs.

The issue of making the first move has also come up on the LGBT teens forum and a teen offered this advice to a boy who didn't know how to figure out if his crush liked him back. He says,

"Have you ever tried approaching him during lunch? Approach him one day, talk to him. If he can't make the first move, then you should. Ask, it won't hurt. Knowing is better than being in the dark."

But what about the possibility that you muster up your courage and you make the first move only to be rebuffed? As the Guide to Lesbian Life says:

"It might happen. Maybe you’ve been reading the cues wrong. You thought the feelings were mutual, but as you move in for the kiss, she turns her head away. There is no need to feel bad. You can talk about it then or later. Maybe she is into you, but she’s just scared. Maybe she’s never been with a woman before or maybe she has someone else she is dating. Whatever you do, don’t force yourself on her or make her feel bad in any way for turning you down. Try to keep it light, wish her a good night and see your way home."

Ultimately someone has to be the one making the first move, and it might as well be you! Plus, everyone knows that confidence and self assurance are two very appealing qualities. So even if you are nervous, about making the first move, doing so could actually be both a way to find out if someone is into you and a way to actually boost your attractiveness quotient.