A teen writes,

"I have this amazing girlfriend who is so beautiful and I love her so much. She is a cheerleader and I am kind of an antisocal so we work out nicley together. We have been through so much together. Anyway we are really happy together except she has this ex girlfriend that won't seem to go away. They dated for like 8 months and when they broke up my girlfriend attempted suicide. So they have a bit of history.

But now her ex is back and is writing her all of these letters about how she is so sorry and how she still loves her and all of this crap about how they were supposed to be forever. My girlfriend says she doesn't have any feelings for her and she is head over heels in love with me but sometimes I'm just not so sure. I love my girlfriend sooo much and I don't want to lose her. But above everything else I want her to be happy, and what happens if I can't do that for her?"

This sounds really tough. A lot of people stay friends with their exes. For GLBT teens, this can happen for a few reasons. For example, even if a relationship didn't work out, an ex might be one of the few people who a gay teen is out to and might be one of the only people who offered support for being gay. Add that to the fact that a lot of teens simply don't have a wide circle of GLBT friends, and the option to totally break off communication with an ex often becomes a tricky one.

But this doesn't seem exactly like what is going on in your situation.

So here are some things to consider.

How Real is the Threat?

It is tough to say exactly how real the threat of these two getting back together is. Though it is obviously unsettling that your current girlfriend is getting love letters from her past girlfriend, it is possible that the feelings are simply one-sided.

You might want to ask yourself if you trust your girlfriend when she says she isn't interested. if you don't, what makes you suspicious? Try to determine whether your feelings are are based on a real threat and, or whether they are the result of your own insecurities.

Figuring Out What You Want

You might also want to think about what you want in the situation. For example, do you want your girlfriend to cut off communication with her ex? If so, how would you feel if you asked her to do this and she refused. A lot of teens in this kind of situation find it helpful to first figure out what they are feeling and what they want from the person they are involved with.

The Benefits (and Risks) of Open Communication

You might find that talking to your girlfriend and being open about how you are feeling is the best way to figure things things out. You may want to tell her how you feel and ask her what she thinks about the fact that her ex wants to get back together. Of course, open conversations can also put you at risk of getting hurt. So you need to decide whether knowing the truth is worth that possibility.

It's Not All Hearts and Flowers

Being in a relationship can be exciting, and exhilarating and fun. But it can also challenging, and how you want to confront those challenges will be different in every situation.