High fructose corn syrup is in just about everything, especially sodas, but also millions of other food products.
And, I for one, am glad.
Its sickeningly sweet goodness is number 2 on my list of all-time favorite things.
I got a sweet tooth the size of Texas and I'm dang proud of it.
And when she starts calling, I answer.
Oh, and I dig the glut of highly processed foods and all the great additives that go along with 'em.
The modernization of the food industry has come light years from the old-fashioned boring days of healthy homegrown whole foods.
Boooooorrrrring.
God did not invent fast food for us not to enjoy it.
And, by golly, I certainly am.
Ever since my first McDonald's 19-cent burger and fries, I knew God had a plan for me all right.
And, I got the message early.
Lots of healthy killjoys want you to understand that it's all these foods and their increasing portion sizes that are causing the obesity epidemic in our nation.
Well, those health nuts probably believe in Global Warming, too.
It is my right as a happy rotund American to eat whatever the heck I want, when I want it.
The bigger the meal, the better the bang for my buck.
You know, you actually burn calories just by chewing your food, so there! And, my favorite joints don't have waitresses so you actually have to walk up to the counter to order and then back again to pick it up, not to mention getting up a third time to throw your trash away.
Hey, that's a workout all by itself.
I chalk it all up to American ingenuity.
We've got a bunch of incredibly bright entrepreneurs who know the way to man's stomach: through his mouth.
Awesome! Now, that is progress.
You go be thin if you must, but as for me, I'll continue to eat my way to heaven, thank you very much.