Navigating Divorce - 3 Ways to Minimize the Impact on Your Children
Divorce is a painful and challenging life transition, but with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it is a reality for many people.
Unfortunately, children are often an inevitable casualty of the process the adults are going through.
If you have tried everything to save your marriage, and there are dealbreakers within the relationship such as untreated addiction, serial infidelity, or any kind of abuse, then divorce may be the best option for both you and ultimately your children.
Here are 3 tips to minimize the impact of your divorce on your children.
1.
Do not badmouth your spouse in front of your children.
Whatever he or she has done to hurt you, it is no justification for being negative about your spouse in the presence of your children.
It is difficult to say the least to control what you say when in the midst of betrayals and emotional pain, but it is vital for the well being of your children.
They have their own relationship with the other parent, and for them, that relationship continues, even if your intimate relationship with your spouse is ending.
2.
Do not apologize for the break up if you believe it was absolutely necessary for your well being.
Obviously, you are hurting for what your children are going through.
But if you were being abused, or your partner was behaving destructively due to an addiction, it is not something you need to take the blame for if you are the one who initiated leaving.
Saying you are sorry implies you are to blame for breaking up the family, and if you left a horrible situation, it is a good thing, and shouldn't be treated as something you should act apologetic for.
3.
Honor your children's feelings.
Mirror back what they are sharing with you.
For example, if your kids express sorrow over the divorce, tell them "What I am hearing is that you are very sad and disappointed about what is happening.
" You can't fix their pain, but you can let them know they are being heard and that their feelings are legitimate.
If they ask why this needs to happen, you can provide age appropriate truth.
Again, no trashing your spouse.
You may say something like, "Your father (or mother) and I have realized that we are going to be happier and a better mommy and daddy to you if we live apart.
" If you are unsure about what to say, consult with a counselor for more advice specific to your situation and in order to provide your children with reasonable, age appropriate information.
Unfortunately, children are often an inevitable casualty of the process the adults are going through.
If you have tried everything to save your marriage, and there are dealbreakers within the relationship such as untreated addiction, serial infidelity, or any kind of abuse, then divorce may be the best option for both you and ultimately your children.
Here are 3 tips to minimize the impact of your divorce on your children.
1.
Do not badmouth your spouse in front of your children.
Whatever he or she has done to hurt you, it is no justification for being negative about your spouse in the presence of your children.
It is difficult to say the least to control what you say when in the midst of betrayals and emotional pain, but it is vital for the well being of your children.
They have their own relationship with the other parent, and for them, that relationship continues, even if your intimate relationship with your spouse is ending.
2.
Do not apologize for the break up if you believe it was absolutely necessary for your well being.
Obviously, you are hurting for what your children are going through.
But if you were being abused, or your partner was behaving destructively due to an addiction, it is not something you need to take the blame for if you are the one who initiated leaving.
Saying you are sorry implies you are to blame for breaking up the family, and if you left a horrible situation, it is a good thing, and shouldn't be treated as something you should act apologetic for.
3.
Honor your children's feelings.
Mirror back what they are sharing with you.
For example, if your kids express sorrow over the divorce, tell them "What I am hearing is that you are very sad and disappointed about what is happening.
" You can't fix their pain, but you can let them know they are being heard and that their feelings are legitimate.
If they ask why this needs to happen, you can provide age appropriate truth.
Again, no trashing your spouse.
You may say something like, "Your father (or mother) and I have realized that we are going to be happier and a better mommy and daddy to you if we live apart.
" If you are unsure about what to say, consult with a counselor for more advice specific to your situation and in order to provide your children with reasonable, age appropriate information.
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