Dating After Divorce - 5 Ways to Know You"re Ready to Date After Your Divorce
The divorce has been final for awhile and now friends are pressuring you about getting "back out there" and dating again.
You're getting all kinds of helpful advice about people they know who would be perfect for you.
But are you ready? Is adding the dating scene to your life a good move for you right now? Let's look at 5 tasks that need to be accomplished before you seriously consider dating again...
1.
You're emotionally stable - There's quite a roller coaster of emotions experienced during and after a divorce.
Sometimes it can make you feel crazy.
Those chaotic feelings should be over at this point.
No more sudden crying or complete loss of temper for no reason.
All of those strong emotions about the divorce itself should have passed by now as well.
The death fantasies about your ex should have ceased to exist.
2.
You see your ex-spouse as the other parent not as romantic partner - The reconciliation dreams have stopped as well.
You have accepted that the marriage is over and there's no reversal of that.
In fact, you may have a better perspective on how your marriage used to be now, and are grateful not to be in that situation anymore.
A good way to know you've accomplished this is that you don't have a desire to "get even" or try to hurt your ex.
You don't view dating as a race to see who can remarry quicker or show they are the happiest now.
3.
Life has calmed down - The dust has settled on all the crazy changes that happen after a divorce.
All the settlements are complete.
You know where you're living and are settled there.
Financially you know where you stand.
There aren't all the loose ends hanging out all over the place and the uncertainties that are present everywhere when recently divorced.
4.
You've created a family with your children as a single parent - With life settling down and you becoming less emotional, you've been able to really reinvest your energies with your kids.
You've created an environment in your home that is a family.
It's not just a bunch of broken people living in the same house.
You've created new traditions and ways of doing life together as this new family unit.
5.
Genuinely desire companionship - this is NOT being desperate to be in a couple.
In that situation, you'll take anyone.
No, now you feel confident in your ability to live your own life alone, but choose not to.
It's about wanting someone to compliment the life you've created, NOT fulfill it.
Your life is already fulfilling.
Your desire now is to just add to it.
This one is really the crux of all 5 tips.
If you feel a panicky desire to get out there and date due to a need to be in a couple, pressure from friends or any other reason, the hard truth is that you're not ready.
With that being your motivation, you're much more likely to wind up in a relationship with someone not deserving of you or your children.
Your choosiness antennae won't be up and you'll grasp the first breathing body that smiles at you.
You're getting all kinds of helpful advice about people they know who would be perfect for you.
But are you ready? Is adding the dating scene to your life a good move for you right now? Let's look at 5 tasks that need to be accomplished before you seriously consider dating again...
1.
You're emotionally stable - There's quite a roller coaster of emotions experienced during and after a divorce.
Sometimes it can make you feel crazy.
Those chaotic feelings should be over at this point.
No more sudden crying or complete loss of temper for no reason.
All of those strong emotions about the divorce itself should have passed by now as well.
The death fantasies about your ex should have ceased to exist.
2.
You see your ex-spouse as the other parent not as romantic partner - The reconciliation dreams have stopped as well.
You have accepted that the marriage is over and there's no reversal of that.
In fact, you may have a better perspective on how your marriage used to be now, and are grateful not to be in that situation anymore.
A good way to know you've accomplished this is that you don't have a desire to "get even" or try to hurt your ex.
You don't view dating as a race to see who can remarry quicker or show they are the happiest now.
3.
Life has calmed down - The dust has settled on all the crazy changes that happen after a divorce.
All the settlements are complete.
You know where you're living and are settled there.
Financially you know where you stand.
There aren't all the loose ends hanging out all over the place and the uncertainties that are present everywhere when recently divorced.
4.
You've created a family with your children as a single parent - With life settling down and you becoming less emotional, you've been able to really reinvest your energies with your kids.
You've created an environment in your home that is a family.
It's not just a bunch of broken people living in the same house.
You've created new traditions and ways of doing life together as this new family unit.
5.
Genuinely desire companionship - this is NOT being desperate to be in a couple.
In that situation, you'll take anyone.
No, now you feel confident in your ability to live your own life alone, but choose not to.
It's about wanting someone to compliment the life you've created, NOT fulfill it.
Your life is already fulfilling.
Your desire now is to just add to it.
This one is really the crux of all 5 tips.
If you feel a panicky desire to get out there and date due to a need to be in a couple, pressure from friends or any other reason, the hard truth is that you're not ready.
With that being your motivation, you're much more likely to wind up in a relationship with someone not deserving of you or your children.
Your choosiness antennae won't be up and you'll grasp the first breathing body that smiles at you.
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