I was attending a weekly men's Bible study up until my last household move.
Right before I left we sat through several weeks of a Christian marriage enrichment class.
I have been through a few of these in the past, sometimes alone, sometimes with my wife of 19 years, and I have noticed a common bond with all of these classes.
Whether they are religious based or secular, they could all be subtitled, "If we want to improve our marriage we must change male behavior.
"These classes have developed out of our secular society's larger battle against male conduct.
Even the Christian community has fallen for this philosophy.
It is simply male bashing.
These classes typically start off the same way.
The moderator says, "We will begin by discussing the differences between men and women:" Women are complex Men are simple Women are creative Men are pragmatic Women are communicators Men are stoic Women are compassionate Men are insensitive Women are in touch with their inner feelings Men deny their feelings Women are detailed oriented Men are only interested in the broad points Women nag because they love the man and want the man to improve Men gripe because they are self-centered Women are enlightened Men are Neanderthals The list always generates some giggles, and the mediator might try to use some euphemisms to soften the blow to the men, but you can see the underlying message.
The women represent the acceptable standard and the men are measured against it.
So the obvious solution to making marriages last longer is to change the man's behavior: The man must open up his feelings and cry like a little girl.
The man must listen quietly and not fidget while his wife tells him about her daily activities in excruciating detail.
Even if it takes her 10 minutes to explain an event that only took 2 minutes.
The man must make more time for the woman.
The man must buy spontaneous presents for the woman.
The man must leave little love notes around the house for the woman and offer backrubs.
The man must interrupt his busy day at work and call her to tell her he is thinking about her.
The man must be more responsive.
Ladies, here is some advice.
Save your ingrained feminine needs for your girlfriends.
Your girlfriend will listen to every word you say, cry with you, and buy you spur-of-the-moment presents.
If you want a sensitive man, they come in three models.
The manipulator who has an ulterior motive The gay man The hen-pecked, beaten down husband You might hear the marriage moderator say that both the man and woman must communicate more but everybody knows that this comment is directed at the man.
Has anybody stopped to consider why the man is not much of a communicator?Perhaps he doesn't like listening to all that nagging.
Have you ever heard the marriage moderators ask the women to change their behavior?To stop nagging?To become more responsive in bed?To save her draining recounts of the day's activities for her girlfriends? Society has been trying to feminize the man ever since the feminists figured out that they could not become equal.
They asked for the vote and got it, but that did not make them equal.
They asked for abortion and got it, but that didn't make them equal.
They asked for favoritism in the work place and got it, but that didn't make them equal either.
So they decided they had to level down male behavior in order to try to create a fair playing field.
They attack men very early on by feeding Ritalin to our schoolboys, discouraging gender oriented toys and competitive activities in our grammar schools, and prohibiting scorekeeping in youth sports leagues.
This social engineering continues on into college with Title IX restrictions and the growth of "Women Studies" programs.
It is prevalent in our popular culture with the rise of metrosexuals, the often-negative depiction of men in movies and television, and the war against marriage.
I am not a knuckle dragger and I understand that if the husband or boyfriend is a drunken, abusive, adulterer he needs to change.
But most of the other behaviors that the marriage class is trying to change are not harmful and are hard-wired into most males.
Yes, men and women tend to have hard-wired behaviors that are different.
I know that it is politically incorrect to suggest that the sexes are dissimilar but anyone with more sense than an Ivy League sociology professor knows this.
It is a mistake to try to feminize men.
I believe that this trend will make the divorce rate even higher.
Thousands of years of hard-wiring have made differences in the sexes that I think should be celebrated.
Don't try to change the behavior.
A man and a woman are wired differently and both have their strengths and weaknesses.
This is a good thing, they harmonize each other.
If you try to re-wire them into something different, they become rivals and competitors.
And no, I am not a troglodyte trying to "keep women in their place.
"Anybody who has been married for any length of time knows that the woman runs the household.
So what is the answer to our marital woes?Perhaps there is no answer.
Perhaps the entry of women into the workforce and the invention of the birth control pill have doomed the marriage institution, as we know it.
Prior to these mid 20th century changes, men and women became married and stayed married basically for two reasons.
The man wanted regular sex and the women wanted financial security.
Don't act shocked, you know it is true.
The entry of women into the work place meant that she no longer needed to rely on a husband for financial security.
The invention of the birth control pill meant more pre-marital sex for the man.
I am not arguing against women in the workforce or against the birth control pill.
I am just pointing out that these two factors have changed our society in unexpected ways.