What is the difference between when anxiety is running your decision making and when you are able to calm down enough to think? Let's take an example.
Summers during college I taught riding at a day camp.
One morning I drove up with my load of kids in the bus to an awful site.
Blackjack, a horse I'd bought at auction the day before, stood stuck in the cattle guard at the camp entrance.
New to the camp, Blackjack didn't know the consequences of attempting to walk out the front gate.
Now he's stuck and very upset.
Upset is another word we use when we mean "anxious.
" Blackjack proceeded to try and free himself from the uncomfortable situation by slamming his hoof upward, over and over, succeeding only to scrape away his skin and bloody tendons.
I use this example for several reasons.
One is, the horse is doing what we humans typically do when we are in an unfamiliar predicament and in pain.
We re-attempt whatever solution we come up with even though that solution isn't working.
We do the same ineffective process, over and over, usually harder and faster, until we, like Blackjack, really hurt ourselves.
Not what could have been the outcome if Blackjack had been capable of using his thinking? First of all, he would have paused.
Next he would have recalled, "Hmm...
the way I got into this mess was by stepping my hoof through these bars.
If I could get my foot down in there, by carefully and slowing moving with intent, I can get my hoof out.
" Alas, we had to "put Blackjack down.
" Hopefully, your outcome when letting your Emotional Guidance System make your decisions, is not quite so severe.
But, people lose jobs, are passed over for promotion, lose relationships, and program others to avoid them through the same process.
When we are like Blackjack, turning up the defensive volume in a conversation, we are pulling a "Blackjack" that often ruins evenings and even vacations.