Most of us know couples who split up after some time of being together and for which there is very little chance of going back. The reasons for their split are frequently very shocking and very painful for either one of them (infidelity, cheating, fights, and abuse) and bad feelings prevent the couple to get together despite that in many cases love and affection still remain.

When there are problems in the couple regardless the reason, there is no question that it is the responsibility of the two of them of saving the relationship. However, this is not always the case and quite often one of them will play the victim's role and the other will be responsible for everything else. Playing extreme roles will not make it less harder to reach a solution.
The victim is responsible for seeking allies amongst his/her friendships to continue promoting the other the responsibility and guilt about the breakup they are living. When a person decides to play the victim's role in the break up, it is almost immediately implied that he/she will do nothing to solve the problem, as he/she firmly thinks that the other one has to change.

This way of behaving is just a way to keep away from the problem whose solution depends on two people. Even in cases where there is no question that the other has made a serious mistake (infidelity, for example) the affected person has some share of responsibility under the argument that no one looks for a third party if things are working.

If the communication is not working but both want to be in position of saving a relationship, you should start wondering if you have some responsibility. Why has my wife been unfaithful? How have I contributed to this situation? We seldom ask these questions and we seem to be happy playing the victim's role instead of facing the problem.

The loss
Once the breakup is completed the pain for the loss of a loved one appears. Each person feels about it differently: some try to move on immediately while others have a hard time trying to get over it in months, or even years.

Overcoming the break up
At this moment, there are many conflicting and confusing feelings and it is difficult to settle for a consistent attitude.
Many times we miss and want to go back to our ex and sometimes we hate him/her for having treated us badly.

Try again
When we finally overcome this difficult period, some people decide to give it a try in spite of everything that has happened because they think they are compensated and that life actually is much more satisfying with a partner.
Maybe during our worst moments, we take such an unacceptable attitude that we do not appreciate the good memories of our relationship and we simply lose control: everything is bad and we see no further. When we have lost him or her and see it from the outside, sometimes we realize that it was not so bad and that those things that were unbearable are actually reasonable and do not cost us that much at all. Especially if we tend to overreact, we run the risk of stressing on negative ideas rather than in saving a relationship.

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