Second Try: Cons and Pros
As it happens at times, after a huge argument and a break-up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, we think that it is forever.
And not even after a day (week, month) passes we start missing them, feeling sad and mourn their loss.
We feel like everything that is going wrong in our life is connected to the loss of the loved person, who has been protecting us from the everyday storms as a guardian angel.
At the same time we completely forget, of course, why the huge disagreement even happened in the first place and without thinking we rush back only to start everything all over.
Believe it or not the statistics claim that the majority of those who find strength to go back to the ex-boyfriend, find themselves understood, accepted, and moreover their relationship comes to a long-term continuous concord.
However, before you go back to your ex, you should put in a considerable amount of thought into weighing out all the cons and pros.
Let's weigh it out together.
First of all you should find an answer to the following question: what was the reason for the break-up - your relationship itself or just the unfavorable circumstances? If you decide that the reason for that were the circumstances, then obviously not everything is lost.
On the contrary, temporary difficulties may intensify the feelings and attachment as you overcome them.
Sometimes people after being apart for a year or two (e.
g.
leaving to college) and not saying a proper good-bye or keeping a promise to write or call, nevertheless stay faithful to their love (even in spite of other infatuations).
Then when they finally meet, they feel even more attracted and happier than even before the split up.
It is a completely different matter, if the reason for a break-up was in the couple itself (e.
g.
one of the partners thinks that he or she is superior intellectually, feels a strong dislike to the other person's relatives or friends, or simply does not approve of the professional occupation of the partner).
Then it is way more complicated.
In this case, before you get back together, it is very important to define for yourself, what was inadequate in your perception of life - your life values or your preferences.
When it comes to values, it is the lifestyle you strive for, the ideas, based on which you are planning to build your future, your career ambitions and so on.
It's a whole different matter if it's just your preferences being different.
It is much easier to deal with that - if, for example, you like Matt Damon and his "Bourne's Identity" and your girlfriend is in love with Brad Pitt and his "Legends of the Fall" you can live with that.
With time your tastes might match, and even if they don't it's not a big deal.
Inadequacy of your life values is a whole different thing.
Just think about it: if the girl you broke up with did not miss an opportunity to flirt with your mutual friend or even crawl into his bed in your absence (or presence), does it make sense to get her back and condemn yourself to more enduring torment? Be aware of the fact that before you resume the relationship, you have to make your peace with what was bothering you before the break-up.
There is no way around it, so do not rush into anything.
If it is only a matter of different preferences, then go ahead and dare try it once again.
So, let's suppose you decided to give it another try.
Keep in mind that at least one of the two will inevitably have to lower the level of their requirements, or in other words lower their standards.
However, even if you are ready to do that, you shouldn't resume the relationship without a preliminary serious discussion of what caused the break-up.
If such conversation does not take place, your relationship will end up being the exact replica of the relationship before the split.
And I'm sure neither one of you wants that.
Therefore you should calmly and peacefully discuss all the problems and disagreements until you feel like neither one of you is holding a grudge.
And that's not all.
You will be required to put in a real effort once you are back together to steer your relationship in a better direction avoiding the past mistakes.
It is absolutely unnecessary to discuss the question of who dumped who or, say, talk about what may happen if you get in a fight again.
It is better to think not about why and who is to blame for the break-up, but rather concentrate on what you have in common, since this "common" is exactly what made you get back together again.
One more thing you should think about before giving it a second try is your current personal situation.
According to statistics the more successful you are and the more independent you feel in life, the more you are guaranteed to succeed in the activity you decide to undertake.
Consider it yourself: you are haunted by failures, no one pays attention to you, you are thinking about your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend...
Maybe with this state of affairs you are attracted not to the image of your ex, but instead you are guided by loneliness in your decisions.
This is why you should not dive into the past in such state.
You simply need someone who will understand you and emphasize with you.
And this person does not have to be your ex, with whom your relationship already did not go well once.
Undoubtedly, those who are successful have more chances.
In that case there is a choice: if you prefer your old love to everyone else, then your choice is objective and it is the only person who you truly need.
And finally the last question that you should answer for yourself before dialing the cherished phone number: are you simply guided by the desire to theoretically prove to yourself that you are capable of getting your ex-girlfriend back? Is it merely selfishness and vanity, the desire brag to your friends or to satisfy your own curiosity that are your real motives of digging up the past? If you realize that this is the case, do not count on your relationship to last long.
If your intentions are pure, you are successful, and are sure of your love, then by all means try again! And keep in mind that breaking up for the second time will be less painful than the first time...
And not even after a day (week, month) passes we start missing them, feeling sad and mourn their loss.
We feel like everything that is going wrong in our life is connected to the loss of the loved person, who has been protecting us from the everyday storms as a guardian angel.
At the same time we completely forget, of course, why the huge disagreement even happened in the first place and without thinking we rush back only to start everything all over.
Believe it or not the statistics claim that the majority of those who find strength to go back to the ex-boyfriend, find themselves understood, accepted, and moreover their relationship comes to a long-term continuous concord.
However, before you go back to your ex, you should put in a considerable amount of thought into weighing out all the cons and pros.
Let's weigh it out together.
First of all you should find an answer to the following question: what was the reason for the break-up - your relationship itself or just the unfavorable circumstances? If you decide that the reason for that were the circumstances, then obviously not everything is lost.
On the contrary, temporary difficulties may intensify the feelings and attachment as you overcome them.
Sometimes people after being apart for a year or two (e.
g.
leaving to college) and not saying a proper good-bye or keeping a promise to write or call, nevertheless stay faithful to their love (even in spite of other infatuations).
Then when they finally meet, they feel even more attracted and happier than even before the split up.
It is a completely different matter, if the reason for a break-up was in the couple itself (e.
g.
one of the partners thinks that he or she is superior intellectually, feels a strong dislike to the other person's relatives or friends, or simply does not approve of the professional occupation of the partner).
Then it is way more complicated.
In this case, before you get back together, it is very important to define for yourself, what was inadequate in your perception of life - your life values or your preferences.
When it comes to values, it is the lifestyle you strive for, the ideas, based on which you are planning to build your future, your career ambitions and so on.
It's a whole different matter if it's just your preferences being different.
It is much easier to deal with that - if, for example, you like Matt Damon and his "Bourne's Identity" and your girlfriend is in love with Brad Pitt and his "Legends of the Fall" you can live with that.
With time your tastes might match, and even if they don't it's not a big deal.
Inadequacy of your life values is a whole different thing.
Just think about it: if the girl you broke up with did not miss an opportunity to flirt with your mutual friend or even crawl into his bed in your absence (or presence), does it make sense to get her back and condemn yourself to more enduring torment? Be aware of the fact that before you resume the relationship, you have to make your peace with what was bothering you before the break-up.
There is no way around it, so do not rush into anything.
If it is only a matter of different preferences, then go ahead and dare try it once again.
So, let's suppose you decided to give it another try.
Keep in mind that at least one of the two will inevitably have to lower the level of their requirements, or in other words lower their standards.
However, even if you are ready to do that, you shouldn't resume the relationship without a preliminary serious discussion of what caused the break-up.
If such conversation does not take place, your relationship will end up being the exact replica of the relationship before the split.
And I'm sure neither one of you wants that.
Therefore you should calmly and peacefully discuss all the problems and disagreements until you feel like neither one of you is holding a grudge.
And that's not all.
You will be required to put in a real effort once you are back together to steer your relationship in a better direction avoiding the past mistakes.
It is absolutely unnecessary to discuss the question of who dumped who or, say, talk about what may happen if you get in a fight again.
It is better to think not about why and who is to blame for the break-up, but rather concentrate on what you have in common, since this "common" is exactly what made you get back together again.
One more thing you should think about before giving it a second try is your current personal situation.
According to statistics the more successful you are and the more independent you feel in life, the more you are guaranteed to succeed in the activity you decide to undertake.
Consider it yourself: you are haunted by failures, no one pays attention to you, you are thinking about your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend...
Maybe with this state of affairs you are attracted not to the image of your ex, but instead you are guided by loneliness in your decisions.
This is why you should not dive into the past in such state.
You simply need someone who will understand you and emphasize with you.
And this person does not have to be your ex, with whom your relationship already did not go well once.
Undoubtedly, those who are successful have more chances.
In that case there is a choice: if you prefer your old love to everyone else, then your choice is objective and it is the only person who you truly need.
And finally the last question that you should answer for yourself before dialing the cherished phone number: are you simply guided by the desire to theoretically prove to yourself that you are capable of getting your ex-girlfriend back? Is it merely selfishness and vanity, the desire brag to your friends or to satisfy your own curiosity that are your real motives of digging up the past? If you realize that this is the case, do not count on your relationship to last long.
If your intentions are pure, you are successful, and are sure of your love, then by all means try again! And keep in mind that breaking up for the second time will be less painful than the first time...
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