I recently read an article about a father of three grown children who had become increasingly disappointed that his offspring had not met up to his expectations.
His distress was with his children's professional, personal and marriage failures.
The father decided to express his disgruntlement through an email he sent to his children.
The retired British naval officer's email was leaked to the media by one of his offspring, citing "entitlement".
Apparently, his children felt they had been done wrong by receiving this email from their father.
Even though the father speaks harshly to these young adults about their "underachievement and domestic ineptitude's", I found myself wondering if his anger was misguided.
Is he taking the appropriate amount of ownership in this predicament? After all, in his own words, he produced three children who failed equally in marriage, professionally, and personally.
As I read the article, I wondered about the Nature vs.
Nurture theory.
Is it environment that shapes our youth, or do children affected from heredity and their pre-determined genes? Is the father justified in blaming them for their randomness? There are a few ways of looking at this.
Part of me wants to reach out to the retired, disciplined military officer and father of three.
One would assume he provided for for and empowered his children to succeed.
Although the article did not confirm it, I got the impression that none of the children followed in his footsteps by serving their country.
I have to be honest, I began to wonder if his email was a continuation of his "should have went into the military like me" speech.
Did he accept them for their individuality and encourage his children to identify their own individual interests and talents during adolescence? When my daughter was in 8th grade, I put a lot of energy (and money) into encouraging her to train to become a certified lifeguard.
I felt it would benefit her.
I talked her into it by explaining to her how this "part time gig" would come in handy.
It would be beneficial in the social aspect and allow her a way stay active and fit.
What I did not take into consideration was the fact that she -unlike me- she wore glasses since the age of 6.
Once she began her training she noticed her vision was beginning to present a problem.
While I remained oblivious to her struggles, she begrudgingly attended training.
Finally after two weeks she came to me with the news.
She explained the difficulties she was having performing the tasks needed to become a certified lifeguard.
I am grateful for that conversation because that is when I realized that my idea of successes and accomplishments varied from hers.
If there is one thing I learned, our children do not want to become us.
We cannot expect them to follow in our footsteps.
As parents, we have to work until we give out of gas- to steadfastly assist our youth- so they can find their path in life.
In doing this, we should understand that there is not a specific time that our youth "age out".
Our job is not done just because our children reach age 18.
I am still looking for the instruction manual that states parents are allowed to "log off".
We need to remain actively involved in their lives until our job is done.