The feeling of confusion was conspicuously hovering on my mind.
I suffer horribly and at times depression compelled me to think that I am a body without soul; a living corpse.
I am yet to reconcile as to why I have committed a crime without being insane or jealous.
The thought of committing it without actually being a criminal made me feel guilty.
The horrifying act made my life miserable.
The insecurity, uneasiness and uncomfortable feeling have made me sick.
The regular sleep pattern has changed, and I was becoming weak and anaemic.
I was missing her and feeling nostalgic.
She was loving and caring.
I remained committed to her in spite of cultural and financial differences.
Those were the days we spent together and cherished every moment.
Her presence made me comfortable and cool.
The recent gap appeared as if we were separated for ages.
I was impatient and yearning to meet her.
It was September, and the autumn season was blooming.
Everybody was enjoying the weather in their own capacity.
Wherever you go to the joy and happiness was obvious and the whole environment was indeed wonderful.
I was planning to visit her and celebrate the wonderful evening.
I dressed up for the occasion and proceeded towards her home.
It was almost an end of the evening twilight, and the full moon was making all the more romantic.
I thought I will always remember that evening which was enchanting and enjoyable.
I had a flower bouquet in my hand, and I reached the entrance door.
My heart was palpitating and for the first time, since I met her, I was feeling nervous.
It was almost three months, since I met her last.
I distinctly remember the cosy dinner we enjoyed and her captivating smile has left lasting imprints on my mind.
The mixed feeling and some hidden fear has somehow been making me apprehensive about meeting her.
I mustered all the courage and press the door bell.
I heard a feeble voice indicating someone is about to open the door.
In a couple of minutes, the door was opened and the maid ushered me to the living room.
She made me comfortable and asked for a drink.
I thanked her and politely declined her offer.
I enquired if Martha is busy! And she replied that she should be here in a couple of minutes.
The maid appeared rather serious and uncomfortable.
I failed to analysis her uneasiness and asked her if everything is alright.
She fumbled and replied that she is fine and excused herself.
I was thinking that something was unusual and unbecoming of Martha's home environment.
I was deeply engrossed in my thoughts, and I noticed that someone has touched my shoulder.
It was a familiar touch, and I suddenly came into senses.
I turned and saw Martha's smiling face.
But there was something unusual about her dress.
I was wondering why in the evening she should be in lingerie.
I presented her, the flower bouquet, and she thanked with a smile.
There was something missing in her smile.
The sheepish feeling has taken the place of warmth and captivating smile.
She sat down next to me and asked me the programme for the evening.
Before I could reply she said with a firm tone that she may not accompany him for the evening and would prefer to be alone in the home.
I felt very bad but chose to remain silent and thanked her started walking towards the exit.
At that crucial moment, a stranger came out of her bedroom and there was a moment of silence and as all three of us stood motion less.
I went close to Martha and asked her why she has to betray him.
The argument took place and soon the situation turned ugly as the stranger started interfering.
Martha ran upstairs and I followed her.
While the argument was reaching a high pitch than the stranger appeared and tried to pacify us.
It was that particular moment.
I slapped her and about to leave the room then she reacted in a fist of fury.
She picked up the vase and turned to through it towards me.
She lost her balance and fell on the glass table.
The broken glass piece cut her throat, and she died on the spot instantaneously.
I did not realise until the stranger shouted at me to call the Police and the Ambulance.
Within few minutes, the drama unfolded into many acts, and it took sometimes before I was released and gone unpunished.
My conscience was constantly reminding me that I was guilty of a murder.
I have become the victim of my consciousness and become a wreck.
I was continually debating whether I was negligent, a criminal or a confuse a person.