Mom, why do you have those wires on your head? Does it hurt? Will you shake on ground? What do I do if you shake on the ground? These are some of the questions my son asks me.
Recently he came home and told me about someone who looks different in school, and how he thought it was weird.
He also told me about a girl who has to leave the room for extra help.
Not knowing that his own mother was at one point was also that girl.
Do I tell him? Will he think I am not a smart mother.
I said it is an appropriate time for "the talk".
To explain to him differences and what the true meaning of "smart" is.
I always asked myself "when should I tell him"? "Should I"? He never asks me why I take my pills.
Maybe he doesn't need to know yet.
Well he doesn't need to know yet.
Well with all the questions, and the way he was noticing the differences in his peers I knew it was the perfect time to put it all out on the table.
He didn't really understand what epilepsy was nor did he care.
He was just so amazed that my body could get so out of control.
I said "do you think I am weird, ugly, or unusual? He said no.
I told him I am no different than the kid in class.
The conversation came to an end.
He woke up the next morning and had more questions.
Some were the same and some were new.
Now it was time to come home with my ambulatory EEG.
I explained it to him.
He once again had a lot of questions.
I was fortunate enough to have my mom in town.
There was no way I was going to pick him up from school looking like that and letting parents and his peers see me with wires on my head and a battery to go along with it.
So that problem was solved.
So he came home with such excitement, curiosity, and once again with more questions.
Then he was fine and moved on to something more interesting.
I emailed his teacher to let her know what was up.
I had asked him if he told any of his friends, and he said yes.
Well, all of the sudden I felt embarrassed.
Worries that they would go home and tell their parents.
That they would think Joseph's mom has mental problems, and would not let their kids come to my house to play.
I was just so completely embarrassed, while he was thinking how cool it was.
It was almost like he was proud.
I found it interesting that he didn't understand the difference in some of his peers, but when his mom walks around looking like Frankenstein it was awesome, lol.
Maybe that is one of the reasons why God chose me to have epilepsy.
To teach my son the differences in people.
To help him be the best that he can be.
While I had a hard time surviving in school.
While I was the girl who couldn't stay in the "regular" classes he will be able to see that everybody is different and unique in their own ways.
Anyway back to what I was saying.
I asked him to promise me that he wouldn't tell anyone in his class.
But he couldn't.
So I let it go.
At night time I snuggle with him, and then late at night he sneaks into my room.
Well, I told him that I was going to sleep in the other room.
That with him and daddy also in the bed it would be too much with all the wires and the battery.
He came in and kissed me goodnight.
I felt bad and said I would come into the room.
He said, "mommy its OK I know you have wires and kissed me goodnight.
I was so touched.
At that moment I realized there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Other people may think I am crazy, but my family doesn't and that is all that matters! So whether you're hooked up on wires, on medicine that makes changes to your body, or wear a helmet that all that matters is your true friends and family.
That is enough acceptance and all the love you need.
That your children will always be there to give you confidence and all the love you could ask for.
Be proud for being different, be proud of your family and friends, and most of all be proud of who you are whatever differences you may have.